The War of Queens... Laying Down The Swords By NElise
written February 27th, 2019
I'm here to tell on myself for a moment... A confession unlike the confessions of NElise you've ever heard before.
The truth is I am an imperfect, messy, Loving and LOVED by God, child of God. I'm a student and a teacher.
I've fallen and I've risen. I've made good choices and really really poor choices. I've loved and I've lost and I've been lost. But I've also been found. I'm also saved by grace. The One who lives In me Is Greater than the mistakes I've made on my journey to finding the true me.
But here I am... Once again, doing what I do best. LIVING OUT my purpose. Sharing my truth. Truth that is like so many women's truths, but shame has also kept them quiet, and I, through God's hand holding ONLY, have the Courage to tell it. Tell the truth, shame the devil, and set myself free because the GOD in me would never have me ashamed. The world condems but God redeems.
The power is no longer in Your hands. The power no longer lies in anyone's hands. Only Mine and God's. As it should be.
So... This is what I have to say to YOU (you know who you are) first...
The same God that lives in you, lives in me. The love in you, is the love in me. The broken heart that lives in you, lives in me. The pain you've felt, I've felt. The ugliness that lives in you, lives in me, & will come out of us if we don't get some control. Whether WE caused it or not. Whether WE are the catalyst or not. Whether WE are the victim or not. Hurt is hurt. Pain is pain. Heartbreak is heartbreak. It comes for everyone. No matter how good WE are...or not.
What we do with all our broken pieces is where our differences may lie.
Our reactions to all we've been through determines what We turn into and who we become all on our own. There's NO ONE to blame for how we handle our pain nor what we allow ourselves to become in spite of it.
I've made peace with my choices, shame, pain, & reactions. I've laid them to rest. It is well with my soul. And my choice is to Rise from it all.
In the recent past,( like a month or so ago) ugliness started living in my heart towards another woman (which never feels good to me).
I allowed Her pain & hate towards me to enter into my heart. And like poison does, I let it spread. Allowing it to influence my thoughts & feelings. And most importantly my BEING. That I've worked years to be in alignment with.
I lost sight of my true self. Shame, guilt, and pain took over. The very things God has been healing me of for almost a year. I allowed to sneak back in.
The choice I made directly affected her life & that I can't take back. I could only apologize for what I knew and didn't know at that time, and I did. That's all I could do. All I could offer. I could only make the best of what transpired.
(Read my blog The Queens Reign if you want to know what that is)
But it didn't end, the war that was created against the situation had only just begun for her.
She went to war on Me and I took it, thinking I somehow deserved it. I understood her devastation so I couldn't blame her.
After months of subliminal, indirect attacks on my character, my kindness wore off. I had enough. I'd been through enough. & for Long enough.
I passively went to war via "Love and Light", on her in response & defense to her hurt and fear talking indirectly to me. We went to war with each other indirectly. (Thanks social media.) I engaged with her pain.
Then, I was verbally attacked & threatened directly, why? Because her lively hood as she knows it (in her mind) is being threatened. Her family is being threatened. Her marriage, threatened. Her comforts threatened, the image, the brand, threatened because this grenade named "NElise" Blew it all up. I was the proof &the spotlight on the imperfection of her marriage.
But God and everyone involved knows it didn't start with me.
I was the pin to the grenade that was already there.
Do you have reason to war? Yes. Absolutely. 1000%
But not with me.
Not with him.
Not with God.
The war is internal. It is with SELF. It is with what you've allowed to stand, allowed your self to turn a blind eye to until you no longer couldn't.
It's the war between why you stay and why you go. It is your test of faith. It will strengthen you or break you. I know first hand because I've lived it too. I had to forget all the other players Involved in my story. And ask myself what. about. ME? How did this become my life?
I questioned Me. Searched Me. And there lied so many of my answers. And what I know, GOD uses it ALL for the Highest Good Of ALL concerned. He wants the best for us all. And we don't always know what our best is. I certainly don't. So I continue to trust God & His process.
War with me if you'd like but when is it enough?
For me it is ENOUGH.
This war was nothing that sat well with my soul.
You know, I know the kindness of my heart. & I'm sure she know hers.
My ability to see from her side, understands her pain and I understand mine.
I must stay true to ME. The God in Me. So I can be in alignment with The God that lives in ME. Because I know God already loves me. Already knows Me. Created me. Molded Me. Grew me up. Has forgiven me and continues to. But now I have too. I cannot continue to undo what God already did for me and through me.
As a Mother, who btw, YES!!, would do ANYTHING for the well being of her children including get assistance, as a Single mother, when there is no help from the other creator of said child (many women know this plight) WILL NOT be shamed. Even when there are those (She) who want to shame me. That's a reflection of her character. Not mine.
I hope all women would be that kind of Mother too, a BY ALL MEANS necessary mother, if you were ever in a situation where your children needed you to be.
As I've learned Pride comes before the fall. My pride is not too big. But my courage is. Many couldn't say the same.
As a woman, as a human being, as a child of God, I can't be of God and be okay with this level of ugliness. I have no interest in war.
I thrive much better in Love & a high vibration.
My greatest wish for all of Us women is to stop the war on each other. No human being deserves to be called out their name. No human being on the planet is Less than the other. No human being is Better than the other... No human being is Half of another. But we can behave better than others. The Choice is ours.
But the one thing I know i'm better than.. I'm better Than THIS.
And now I'm at peace.